365

Vivian had an appointment at the developmental clinic at Stanford yesterday. We were originally referred to it when she was born prematurely. But now these every-six-months appointments are really more appropriate in the context of CHARGE, providing a doctor who looks at Viv's overall development - communication, gross and fine motor skills, cognitive. The doctor does different developmental tasks with Vivian, brings in specialists (nutritionists, speech therapists, etc.) to advise me and makes referrals and suggestions.

As we drove up 280 to the hospital yesterday (the most gorgeous freeway one could possibly drive in February, I'm convinced), I allowed my mind to wander back to what life was like a year ago when we visited this clinic for the first time. A year ago, Vivian's heart surgery was freshly behind us. I vacillated between feeling completely optimistic, with a (slightly annoying) go get 'em attitude (I will run! Cook only organic foods! Be organized in every way!) and being completely overwhelmed. I think it's fair to say that I was mostly overwhelmed.

Last year I was navigating a plateful of appointments with new specialists as we explored the lingering CHARGE diagnosis, seeking confirmation of each individual component and then developing a plan. I was weepy when I looked at the calendar for each passing week: full of appointments here and there and back to here. So this is what life is going to be like now? I didn't particularly like that idea. To try and endure with a smile, I started combining the hard with something fun. A trip to the doctor implied a stop for frozen yogurt or a visit with a friend afterward.

At the end of our appointment yesterday, our beloved Dr. S danced with Vivian as she stood on the exam table. Dr. S said "When I see you in a year, Vivian, we're going to dance together in this exam room!" Dr. S gave me a big hug and reminded me to call her if I ever have any questions or concerns. Viv blew her a kiss and we said goodbye until we see her next February.

As I packed Viv into the stroller and picked Cheerios up off the floor after yesterday's appointment, I thought about all the moments that made up the days that led us to this point: from weepy and overwhelmed to smiling and happy. I thought about the next 365 days - the days that will lead to Vivian standing and dancing with Dr. S. I look so forward to the moments that will create 365 new days, paving the way for a sight I can't wait to behold: Viv and Dr. S dancing.