One Year Later

A couple of weeks ago I came across a day planner of mine from 2006. In it I found a piece of yellow memo paper from the summer Vince and I were househunting. On the piece of paper, a list:

• at least 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, single family home
• big kitchen/dining room/living room area
• hardwood floors
• neighborhood school

Writing down the things that were most important to me in finding a true home helped me focus in the search. When our realtor brought us to this house, I knew it was the one. It's been almost two years, and our humble little nest is the place I love most in the world.

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There is power in writing things down. And I don't mean this in a law of attraction, write it and it will come kind of way. The power lies in the ability to focus, sort and process through what's truly important. There is power in capturing details that would otherwise get lost in the shuffle of the big picture. There is power in taking the time to really sit and think about life and what I want from it; to make connections between events, feelings, episodes, thoughts.

I started this blog just about a year ago. We had brought Vivian home and I was sitting and thinking a lot. I was writing, revising and editing in my head constantly, trying to wade through and understand the swirling and twirling thoughts. So, I started writing Benbo to keep family and friends up to date on Viv's progress. I never anticipated so many rewards: writing helped me feel not so alone, in that purgatory of post-birth, pre-surgery life, confined to the four walls of our home. It helps me focus on the good, even when I feel like I am drowning in sorrow. It helps me tell a story that I need to tell: for me, for Vince, for Vivian.

When I started this blog, I didn't know that life was about to get a lot more complicated. I had no idea about Vivian's eyes or ears or nose or development. I had never heard of CHARGE Syndrome. When those waves hit, nearly taking me out, I had this soft place to land and sort through it. I had a place to capture beautiful little moments. I had a place to record bonding with my daughter and becoming a family of three. I look back at those early posts and I am so, so thankful I have proof of those blips in time. They'd be lost otherwise. And I need to remember.

Here we are, a year later, and I want to thank you for coming along for the ride. Bottom line, I write for my family and me, but sharing it has brought a multitude of unexpected blessings. I've rediscovered my love of writing, maintained connections with friends and family and I've met some inspiring new-but-not-yet-met-in-real-life friends along the way. Thanks for your encouragement and kindness the past year. Where would I be without you?