And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.-Anais Nin
I haven't felt this way in awhile. But today I'm just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and on the verge of...I don't know what. Falling apart? Neverending tears? Sinking?
I am playing a constant game with myself. A game that requires staying in this moment. And going nowhere else. Not the past, not the future. It's a game I've gotten good at, but it's a constant struggle to stay in it. And today I'm losing.
The physical symptoms: sinking stomach, burning nose, teary eyes, tight throat. The mental symptoms: thoughts starting at why? going to what if? and back to why? With some I can't do this thrown in.
Prescription: Allow a little sadness, then push on. Be brave. Be strong. Find joy in little things. Look for beauty. Think about the big picture. Think about the universe and the divine and what I can contribute by being Vivian's mom, Vince's wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter. Know that I am still the girl I was a year ago, two years ago, 15 years ago...just stretched and pulled and imperfect, but on the road to becoming the person I am meant to be. Breathe. Blossom.
7 comments:
stop. take a deep breath. now go look into your daughter's beautiful eyes. smell her warm skin. take her outside and breathe in the fresh air. if you are doing too much, set smaller goals today, even if it is only to feed and change Vivian. You deserve to be teary - you've been through ALOT. when Vince gets home, take a nap or go take a bath - find even 15 minutes just for you. being a mom, and especially a mom as wonderful as you are, takes alot of energy. you are only good for Vivi and Vince if you take care of yourself. Even the most beautiful flower has to push its way thru the dirt to 'blossom' -- and if no one's told you today "you ARE doing a great job!!!" xxx from someone who cares.
hugs!
and perserverance ;)
Oh, my dear friend, I wish there was something I could do for you. Just know you and your family are loved.
i love you, hannah....susan
i love you, hannah....susan
Hannah,
I found you're the winner from Lisa Leonard's.. you deserve this! The reason why I am jumping in is that I have been through with my younger son, who is autistic. At first, it was difficult, but as months go by, you will find yourself cherish your child more than ever! I always blessed for my son, so you will do the same with your daughter, Vivian.
I promise you will have more laugh coming up in the future!
In meantime, just look at your children, family and other mothers who have been through will tell you the same thing: the blossoming always will stick with you.
Hang in there dear friend! You Rock! Take each day, one at a time and just know you are doing a great job as Vivian's Mommmy!
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