Contentment

I am notoriously unphotogenic. I'm not fishing for compliments, it's just a fact. My eyes always close when the flash flashes, my smile's a bit too gummy and one year as a teacher my school photo made me look like a druggie. Not good. (I was vain enough to get it re-taken on Make-Up Picture Day to save myself from being immortalized like that in the yearbook.)

But if I had to choose a photo of myself that really reflected me at my best, it would be this one:


This was taken by Vince on our honeymoon. Ohhhh, Zihuatanejo, Mexico, I adore you. I will return to you one day.

This photo captures me content. Contentedly staring at La Playa de la Ropa. Contentedly breathing in the salt of the sea, tasting guacamole with loads of hot sauce, hearing "De Colores" played by the mariachi band nearby. Content, knowing that by marrying Vince I had made the best decision of my life. I can see my new husband's face looking glorious in the warmth of the setting sun.

When I was in labor, I traveled to Zihuatanejo in my mind. I sought solace in the gentle waves of the bay. And it worked. I didn't think it would when I was told in birthing class to have a special place to travel to, but it did. It took me a (small) step back from the pain, made me able to cope better.

I still travel to Zihua in my mind almost daily. When I can't fall back asleep after a middle of the night feed, when I need to push worry-filled thoughts out of my mind and replace them with something pretty...it is to Zihua that I go. Up the winding road through the hills then down to Villa del Sol where sand and smiles and drinks in coconuts and balmy air await. I find contentment in Mexico almost without fail. Arriving in this country is like coming home for me.

Contentment can be elusive, but it is golden. It is the feeling that creeps into my heart when I'm surrounded by beauty--a bright star, a smiling babe, a belly laugh with a friend, a favorite song. And in the midst of chaos, sorrow, fear...there are these fleeting moments of contentment that keep me going. Healthy fuel to "carry on" and "make it work"(in the famous words of the beloved Tim Gunn of "Project Runway" fame).