Dear Vivian {Month One}

On the day you were born

Dear Vivian,

One month ago today you joined your dad and me in the most surprising and delightful way. You came out into this world screaming-- feisty and spunky and full of purpose.

We spent a beautiful day getting to know you with people who love you stopping in to visit at the hospital. I couldn't stop smiling. Your dad and I loved telling the adventurous story of your arrival. You were bundled up, cozy and warm in blankets, my perfect little armful.

Your dad had predicted that you would be born on September 9th (9/9--I love the number 9), which would have been just a few days before my due date . I teased him that he had placed the order incorrectly--you arrived on the 9th, but in the eighth month!


The day after you were born, we learned that your sweet little heart would need some help. My own heart hurt, knowing that someone as lovely and perfect as you would need to go through surgery as such a new little person. My heart ached, not knowing what this all meant.

For the next two weeks, Dad and I visited you in the NICU as you got stronger and learned to take your feeds from a bottle. We drove to the hospital to snuggle you and feed you, then we'd drive home so I could pump, eat and rest a little. Then back to you a couple of hours later. You were under the billi lights for jaundice for several days. Each day we saw progress as you continued to grow outside my womb. By the middle of the second week, you were pulling out the tube that went from your nose to your tummy for feeding. Finally, the nurses decided not to put it back in. You were able to take all of your feeds from the bottle! You had been trying to tell us that, hadn't you?

Two weeks and a day after you were born, you came home with us. Oh, Vivian, I was so full of happiness and joy and fear and worry. Would I be able to care for you and meet your needs without the presence of a helpful NICU nurse? Would you continue to thrive? When Dad and I walked in the house with you, it only took a few moments to know that I would be able to care for you just like you needed me to. Sitting on the couch with you snuggled into the crook of my arm without the beeps of machines and coldness of the NICU was an amazing feeling. I stared and stared at you, loving the freedom to get to know you at home.

Since that day, we have gotten into a lovely rhythm. You are a content little love bug--you let us know if you are hungry or if you want to change position--otherwise you wiggle your lips and make little squirrel squeaks and stretch your right arm up like you're one of my students waiting to be called on, all while sleeping soundly. We sing little songs, have lots of kisses, wash a lot of bottles and pump parts and write stories on little blog called Benbo. Life with you is peaceful and beautiful.




Tonight Daddy cooked us a delicious dinner. We celebrated your one month birthday and our 12 year dating anniversary. When we celebrate in this family, there is lots of delicious food. We snuggled together on the couch with you as we savored every bite.






Vivian, you have my heart. Each day I know I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth more and more. I was born to be your mom, and you were born to be my baby. We go together like cinnamon and sugar; chocolate and peanut butter; coffee and steamed milk. As much as you grow each day, you will always be my sweet little Benbo. My sweet little Benbo, who gave me the gift of being a mom.

I love you,
Mom