On the windowsill over my kitchen sink sits a plastic container. Little hash marks count milliliters by fives all the way to 60. This little two ounce bottle was what we fed Vivian with in the NICU when she was born five weeks early; her suck and swallow lacking coordination and needing practice, patience and time to develop. Taking 30ml of milk orally was our ticket home, and there were so many moments I wondered if we'd ever get there. Now when I wash dishes, this little bottle reminds me that we did get there, that we do get there. I remember that getting there is full of moments to savor and celebrate.
Today is the two year anniversary of coming home from the hospital with our little peanut. Two years ago we walked through our front door with a tiny-less-than-five-pound armful. We were told not to let her cry, lest her heart work too hard (ummmm, sometimes babies just cry!). We were told to keep up her feeds so she could get big and strong for surgery. I was so overwhelmed and so scared. I was just beginning to know her; our story was just getting started.
This morning we went for a walk and Vivian pointed to a blooming crepe myrtle tree - pops of fushia on an overcast morning. They always bloom in Vivian's season. Later this morning Viv went on her longest push-toy walk to date: all the way to the house with the yellow flowers, before turning back to home, distracted from the challenging physical activity by my singing. I marvel on this anniversary at all the things I didn't know two years ago. I marvel at how happy and thankful I am to be learning them. I love that two years after bringing a tiny little stranger into our home, Vivian is one of the people I know best on this planet.
Today is the two year anniversary of coming home from the hospital with our little peanut. Two years ago we walked through our front door with a tiny-less-than-five-pound armful. We were told not to let her cry, lest her heart work too hard (ummmm, sometimes babies just cry!). We were told to keep up her feeds so she could get big and strong for surgery. I was so overwhelmed and so scared. I was just beginning to know her; our story was just getting started.
This morning we went for a walk and Vivian pointed to a blooming crepe myrtle tree - pops of fushia on an overcast morning. They always bloom in Vivian's season. Later this morning Viv went on her longest push-toy walk to date: all the way to the house with the yellow flowers, before turning back to home, distracted from the challenging physical activity by my singing. I marvel on this anniversary at all the things I didn't know two years ago. I marvel at how happy and thankful I am to be learning them. I love that two years after bringing a tiny little stranger into our home, Vivian is one of the people I know best on this planet.
8 comments:
Beautiful, Hannah, just beautiful.
I love that Viv had her longest pushcar journey to date on this day! What a wonderful way to celebrate this anniversary! :-) I also love that she was distracted by your signing and looking at crate myrtles!
Ironically, the symbol in your windowsill... the 60ml bottle... sits in my windowsill at this very moment, warming to room temperature so I can give Gracie her last bolus of the day and then hook her pump up around 11:30 - - feedings are definitely not the measurement of growth and change in Gracie's world! We have others, though :-).
(The way you describe bringing Viv home and the emotions you felt - - I could have easily written that about our experience with Gracie. And, like you, they told us in the NICU not to let her cry! Ummm... really... a newborn who isn't allowed to cry? Thankfully, John discovered early on how much she loved facial massage and this helped soothe her... and still does today - whether by us or herself! I digress... yet AGAIN!)
That is so sweet!! I remember those little bottles all to well, I had to use them with 2 of my 3 babies. Its amazing the things we look at and remember how much they proved to us and the world.
hugs,
Crystal and eva
I love reading your posts. You have such a great way of wording things.
I love that you saved one of those bottles for your windowsill. I too had a NICU baby and seemed to have those bottles coming out my ears in those early days. As always, your posts are beautifully written and I'm sure that Blurb book is absolutely magnificent and is going to a treasured keepsake for years to come.
Loved reading this post! And love the expression "Viv's season". What a great little keepsake to remember how much Miss Vivian has accomplished!
oh, and i love the little picture frame too-hee hee
Hannah, you've done it again...another beautiful post! I absolutely love it. Thanks for sharing it!
Way to go, Viv, too, with the walking! Keep on trucking! ;)
Happy two-year homecoming, Viv and family! It's amazing to look back and see how far our kids come in just a matter of a couple years, isn't it? I remember those days of the 60ml bottles too--Katie's were equipped with a special nipple for cleft lips that didn't require sucking, and it would take her so long to take her bottle that she often only got a 30-minute break before it was time to feed her again. What long days those sometimes were--but yet such beautiful days too! My favorite memory of Katie as a baby is still just holding her in my arms and feeding her. No better feeling in the world!
Beautiful sentiment, beautifully expressed. Cx
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