One minute I am a fireball of motivation: I'm going to take up jogging again--Vivian would love the jogging stroller! I'm going to shop at our Farmers' Market each Saturday and make my family nothing but wholesome, organic, locally grown foods! Our house will be neat and tidy and beautiful all the time! I will sing to Vivian and read every book in the house to her and come up with creative and fun activities for all hours of the day!
And the next minute I am thinking about how worn I feel. Hmmmm, I guess I should shower today. I would love to stay in bed where it's warm and cozy. Oh, there goes the dryer buzzer again-- I don't feel like folding laundry, I'll just leave it in there til I really need it.
The tricky thing about this constant back and forth is that not much ends up getting done. The alternating pace of my thoughts does, in fact, just leave me feeling tired.
I know it'll take some time to readjust. I never allowed my mind to imagine what post-surgery life might be like, so I am living a life I never conjured up possibilities for. And while I feel immense relief and gratitude that surgery and hospital life is behind us, the fact is, there's still a road ahead of us. A road that will have bumps and potholes along the way, alternating with smooth asphalt and beautiful views. And I suppose it's just going to have to okay that most of the time I feel excited and optimistic to be traveling on this road, while at other times I just want to pull into a rest stop and sit out this journey for a bit.
3 comments:
that's what i'm doing - my actions put into your words, but i think i've always been like that...
Love the family pictures!
I am like that too! When I feel tired and worn out I also feel like all those things I wanted to do are insurmountable. When I reflect on the past year, I find that I wound up averaging somewhere in the middle. I bet you'll find the same is true for you.
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